Relationship Counseling - How it Works
What type of relationships and people do you work with?
I have worked with many different types of relationships and people of different backgrounds. It is not so much the type of relationship that defines who seeks my services, but more whether they are attracted to my approach and area of focus.
Marriage and Romantic Relationships
People who are married or in some other romantic relationship are the ones I have most commonly worked with. I have worked with both couples of the same gender and opposite gender. I am also open to working with people across the gender spectrum, including trans, and I have previously worked with nonbinary individuals. I have also worked with people in polyamorous relationships with more than two people.
Adult Family Relationships: Parents and Adult Children/Adult Siblings
The next most common type of relationship with which I have worked is adult family relationships, such as parents with adult children or adult siblings. For instance, it is not uncommon these days for adult children and their parents to have conflict and trouble communicating and to want to improve their relationship. Adult siblings can experience similar challenges.
Friendships
I have occasionally worked with people who are close friends and are experiencing challenges in their friendship. Like romantic relationships, close friends can demonstrate a remarkable level of commitment towards one another; also, like romantic relationships, they can experience challenges and conflicts with which they need support.
Racial and Cultural Backgrounds
I have worked with people of different racial and ethnic backgrounds, including Black, White, Hispanic, and various Asian backgrounds,
and also interracial relationships. As a sociologist, most of my training has focused on differences in cultural backgrounds due to race
and ethnicity. Many approaches to counseling have been predominantly developed by and used on White Americans and Europeans.
I am aware of this fact, and I work with clients to adapt my approach to better address the needs of people from different cultural
backgrounds. You can also read more about my commitment to diversity here.
The other person will not come—can I come alone?
The short answer is “yes,” I do work with individuals about their relationships when the other person does not want to participate.
If your partner or the person you are struggling with in a relationship is not interested in coming, you still need help.
Ideally, I prefer to work with everyone involved. So, with couples, I prefer to have both partners. With families that have children, I also tend to include them, depending on age and how much conflict involves them. With your consent, one of the first things I will attempt to do is talk to the other person involved. When the other person is generally hesitant about counseling, sometimes talking to a specific counselor can help clear up their concerns.
However, it is possible they still might not want to participate. Even so, with my approach, it is possible to improve your relationship. Conflict and other challenging situations involve interaction—how we act affects other people's actions. It is possible to change the outcome of a situation by changing the way we act and increasing our understanding of how the other person acts. Both of these can be done without the other person.
You can read more about my approach further down the page.
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Investing in Relationship Counseling
People are often eager to get started and want to know how long it will take and how much money it will cost. Counseling is both a short-term and long-term investment. In the short term, it takes both time and money. In some situations, people make even longer-term commitments to counseling. However, even smaller investments of time and money can produce long-term results.
Transforming just a single issue can dramatically impact your relationship and life.
Imagine being able to transform that one issue you frequently argue about or cannot seem to move past. While changing one issue
will not magically fix all your problems, imagine how much time will be saved from doing so and the stress and distress you can
spare yourself. Imagine what a difference that could make in the quality of your relationship and your life. Such a
transformation can occur even with smaller investments of time and money. More about how much of a financial and time
investment is necessary in a moment.
How We Work Together in Relationship Counseling
- We start with a free 30-minute phone or Zoom consultation to see how best to work together.
- Next, we start with an initial two-hour session, where we will begin working immediately and lay the foundation for future sessions.
- People often see some improvements quickly, even with just a few sessions. Of course, there are no quick fixes, and more significant and lasting change occurs over time.
Frequency of Sessions
Typically, we work in weekly 90-minute sessions until we achieve your goals and desired outcomes. You decide what you want to achieve, and we plan the time accordingly.
- For those who have a single issue or situation they want to address, we might work together for weeks or a few months.
- Some people have multiple areas in which they want to work. While each area might take weeks or a few months, collectively, they might take six months or a year.
- Sometimes, people need support in-between sessions, and if you decide that is needed, we can work that in too.
- After addressing key issues, some people enjoy long-term “maintenance” support as well, which involves less frequent sessions over a longer period of time. You decide what works for you.
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More than Just Talking
Of course, in each session, we actively engage in dialogue--everyone gets the opportunity to be heard and have their say. However, we also do more.
- More than talking, we experiment. We “play with” and practice different ways of interacting and communicating.
- Making use of roleplaying. I often have partners swap roles and let them act out conflict as the other person, facilitating empathy and understanding. With individuals that do not have the other person with them, roleplaying can also help with planning and practicing changes.
- Ongoing and active feedback. I want to know early what you would like to see in sessions, more or less of, to get you the help you need.
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Session Arrangements
- Initial Session with Two People (two hours): $300
- Weekly Sessions with Two People (90 minutes): $250
- Initial Session with One Person (two hours): $200
- Weekly Sessions with One Person (90 minutes): $125
- Saturday and evening appointments are available, but fill quickly.
(In a situation where relationships involve more than two people, such as adult children with both parents or
polyamorous relationships, the price will need to be discussed.)
Insurance
Most insurance does not cover relationship counseling. Consequently, I do not work with insurance companies. Some insurance companies might be willing to reimburse some of the cost, but you must check with your provider.
Virtual Sessions through Zoom are Available
- Virtual sessions can work well for some situations and can also be combined with in-person sessions when it fits with your situation.
- Virtual sessions also enable me to work with other Texas residents not located in Dallas.
What is your approach to relationship counseling?
First, I want to say that no two relationships are alike, so the specifics of working with you will depend on your unique situation.
That being said, there are some general ideas that I use in working with all people:
- We Collaborate Together: I firmly believe you are the ultimate expert on your life and personal experiences. My role is to bring my specialized knowledge of relationships, conflict, and communication to our collaboration. Together, we will apply my professional expertise to your unique circumstances, creating a tailored strategy to improve your relationship.
- We Define “The Problem” or “The Situation” Together: Based on the idea of collaboration, we will define the focus of our work together. We will choose a situation or a particular set of issues affecting your relationship and select achievable goals.
- We Focus on Concrete and Present Issues: When people are in difficult situations, they want change, and they want it fast, which makes sense to me. Experience tells me that the fastest way to produce change is to focus on concrete issues that are affecting your relationship in the present moment. It may be true that some of what is occurring is related to past or “deeper” issues, and if so, those will be addressed in time. Yet, conflict escalates in a “tit-for-tat” spiral, and we need to unwind that spiral to get to the deeper issues.
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Conflict and Challenging Situations as Scenes in a Movie
There are very “technical” descriptions of theories I use to approach conflict and challenging situations in relationships, but sometimes metaphors and analogies help.
Think of every interaction and conflict as a scene from a movie. Every movie scene has characters, a setting, and a script. The characters are you and the other person in the relationship, and just like in a movie, you are both influenced by the setting—your environment, situation, or circumstances. The script is how you both communicate, the words you use and the actions you take.
Now, just like an actor has a backstory that influences how they play their role, each of us has our own “backstory”—our personal history, culture, and societal influences—that guides how we behave in the scene. These backstories often shape our motivations, that is, why we act the way we do.
If you are unhappy with how your “scenes” are playing out—if the conflict is too intense or too frequent—changing the scene can often be as simple as tweaking the “script” (your communication), changing the “setting” (your environment or circumstances), or understanding and adjusting your “motivations.”
Even a small change in one of these areas, perhaps made by just one person, can drastically alter the course of the scene. For example, choosing a different location for a difficult conversation, making subtle changes in language, or understanding what drives your actions or the other person’s can transform a heated argument into a constructive conversation. It is all about changing how the scene plays out.
General “Theory” to My Approach
Psychology and counseling often focus on how people feel/think or alleviating psychological symptoms.
I acknowledge that feelings are a very important part of the process, and it is important to get in touch with them
and discuss them; at the same time, being aware of one’s feelings and discussing them will not necessarily create change...
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If you find it difficult to navigate conflict in your relationship, you are not alone—every relationship experiences
conflict at one point or another. My name is Scott, and much of my work has been dedicated to helping others understand
and work through conflict. If you are seeking help with conflict in a relationship, you might be surprised to learn that
the curriculum required to become licensed as a counselor or psychologist, even at the PhD level, has no required training in
conflict. Of course, not all counselors need this type of training. At the same time, if you are seeking help with a relationship,
I want you to be able to decide whether that type of training is important to you. After all, conflict is one of the most common
complaints in relationships.
My journey with the subject of conflict began with my own life...
Read More About Me >>
Commitment to Diversity
Diversity, equity, and inclusion are core values for me and are at the foundation of my Socio-Logic practice.
I recognize and celebrate the uniqueness of each individual, understanding that everyone's life experiences,
identities, and perspectives enrich our shared human experience.
I am aware of the profound impact that systemic racism, discrimination, and other forms of social injustice
have on members of historically marginalized communities. I understand that these injustices can significantly
affect the mental and emotional well-being of individuals, and I am dedicated to addressing these critical
issues within my practice.